Dragons Roam The Land
Most people think
dragons a myth, but I, yes I, have seen them. Trust me, I know what
I'm saying. No my last name isn't Hammer.
I have experienced
dragons first hand and not in a dream I assure you! If you can stick
with my ramblings perhaps you will learn a thing or two of these
dreaded and fearsome beasts.
Pay close attention
because this story, should you chose to accept it, will self destruct
in 10 seconds after you have finished reading it.
Now that I am older
and wiser, I can look back over my life and see that I have had
encounters with dragons from the days of my earliest memories, only I
was too naive to recognize the evidence of their presence and
sinister activities. I would venture to say that the majority of
people alive on the face of the earth today have been in the presence
of Dragons on numerous occasions, but, because of their clever wiles,
were unable to recognize the obvious.
I first recognized
the evidence of their presence for what it was while I was
recuperating in Burma after I was waylaid by who knows what. Now that
I think about it, perhaps the Dragons had a hand in those doings as
well. Lest you think me demented, let me assure you that I count
amoung my close friends - Albight Von Boatschnegle, Raji Kumar, The
Raggeded, Frank the Norwegian Narwhal, and Willie Flores LOS. POTG.
SW. SP. HAD.
Peter H., my short
friend, had flown out from who knows where to be with me as I
recuperated. It was good to see him after so many years and we had
lots of fun reminiscing about old times. We had certainly done some
stupid things together. Like that time we were in the ficus tree
above Madiera Street dropping stones on passing cars. Peter had the
misfortune to drop one on the head of a passing motorcyclist. It was
all we could do to get away with our skins on that day. Peter
disliked the study of history in general (he ended up in the corner
garbage can on more occasions than I can remember) but whenever it
came time to study British History, especially the history
surrounding the town of Thanet, from that monumental tome "1066
And All That" he would get excited. The breadth and depth of his
knowledge in this area never ceased to amaze me.
Where is the
MONUMENTAL WHIT ???
If you know the
answer to the previous question, please notify us as soon as
possible. Whit, we want to hear from you!
It was Peter's
expertise in British History that first set me to thinking of the
mysteries of Dragonkind. With his vast knowledge, he was able to clue
me in to the symbolism in the British Dragon stories. (Please realize
that we are not dealing with the extremely ancient occurrences of
Dragons as they are a different beast altogether!) I learned the
intricate details of the legend of George and the Dragon. What a
revelation! How my universe expanded in that small, hot room in
Burma.
Dragons, you see,
have taken to deception to work their dastardly deeds. Seldom do they
care to take on huge dimensions in this day and age. And seldom do
they choose to live in caves any longer.
Peter pointed out to
me how Dragons have always made it their business to keep men and
women apart. To separate lovers and bring grief and tears to the
lives of men. Perhaps this will help you in understanding and
believing what I am about to reveal to you.
These days, Dragons
have switched tactics and primarily take on extremely small
dimensions. Instead of living in caves, they choose, primarily, to
live in the mouths of people and animals. They like to sleep a lot
and their sleep periods can be extended indefinitely by gentle
rubbing coupled with the fact that all known forms of tooth paste act
to induce sleep in them while they are in small form.
But when they awake,
watch out!! They start off by spewing out a cottony substance and
then their nostrils start to smoke. Soon, small tendrils of flame
begin to hiss from their throat. As the smoke and flame move over the
cottony substance, an evil smelling gas is produced. This combines
with their already foul breath to create a smell disgusting beyond
belief. Pity the member of the opposite sex that must smell this at
close range!
Dragons are
especially likely to be awake on a person's first arising in the
morning and at extended social gatherings. It is at the latter
locations that they do their most serious damage. Fortunately, I have
found that they can be kept somewhat at bay by devices known as
Dragonkillers. These devices come in several brands and in various
sizes. There are two brands that I find particularly effective. There
are Tic Tacs which are very convenient in putting a Dragon that has
just awakened quickly back to sleep. There is a limit on how many of
these can be used in one session before the Dragon dies from an
overdose. A Dragon's rotting carcass is more foul than anything you
would want to imagine. Then there are Fox's.
For those times when
an already raging and foul smelling Dragon needs to be quickly
tranquilized and then allowed to drop off into a deep sleep. Fox's,
accordingly, are much larger than Tic Tacs. They also pack a much
greater cooling ability which helps control the heat of the Dragon's
fiery breath. To experience first hand this cooling ability, do the
following:
Place a Fox's in
your mouth. Suck for a while. Approach a drinking fountain and drink
deeply. Notice how much cooler the water appears.
Perhaps now, you
too, can look back on the events of your life and see where you have
encountered these strange beasts. If you would like to share your
Dragon stories, send them to the ZOTZBROTHERS at any known address.
Preferably one in the Bahamas. These can be categorized if you would
like. E.G. The largest Dragon I ever met. The meanest Dragon ever.
Please also share with us any advanced Dragon fighting techniques
that you have developed.
