The Day The Banks Found Fear

It was the day after the hot summer night when the beach was burning and all was unfolding as normal. All over the land people were eating breakfast or breakfast sandwiches. Some were even eating doughnuts. These latter were in the majority law enforcement officers.

This, however, was to be a day unlike any other in recent history. A day of monumental importance. A day for the likes of the Monumental Whit. This latter star was breaking his fast with Frank, the Norwegian Narwhal.

By this point, and armed with the preceding information, I am sure that all of my astute readers will know where this is all leading. However, for the benefit of my readers with 'higher' intelligence, and, of course, Mr. Kite, I must continue. Those of you who fall into the astute category, may now leave our humble company and pursue a Samuel R. J. Higginbotham thriller.

Statisticians and other intellectual greats in the realms of probability theory are still trying to pick up the pieces of their once highly respected art. The art that was smashed to subatomic pieces on the fateful day in question. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that once highly respected art is now a shambles and great minds are now asking how it can be put together again if the king himself was not able to deal with that fabled egg.

Now I want to warn you that, in the past, I have been attacked without Ruth by those supposed intellectuals and Welsh Wallabies who differ with my conclusions and with my journalistic integrity. It is too much to hope that it will be any different in this instance. Now really, I don't ask for much, just that they will wait until Ruth arrives before unleashing their vindictive barrage.

On the day in question (now I ask that you will suspend your disbelief if only for the duration of this piece) at precisely 12 noon, just as 12 native boys in Taipei yelled "ZOTZ", all of the depositors in the country descended on their respective banks and demanded their money. At this point, I am sure that even those readers with slightly lower than the 'highest' intelligence will be beginning to see where this is leading.

This occurrence is of course, a statistically impossible event. Almost as impossible as for all the people in China to just happen to jump in an easterly direction at precisely the same instant. Unfortunately, it had almost as disastrous effects. On a side note, Albight Von Boatschnegle has recently completed a three year long computer simulation (his report runs to 5760 pages) in which he delves at length into the detailed ramifications of exactly what would happen if the second impossible event above were to occur.