zotzBrothers_:_Dragons_Roam_The_Land-by_drew

Dragons Roam The Land

Most people think dragons a myth, but I, yes I, have seen them. Trust me, I know what I'm saying. No my last name isn't Hammer.

I have experienced dragons first hand and not in a dream I assure you! If you can stick with my ramblings perhaps you will learn a thing or two of these dreaded and fearsome beasts.

Pay close attention because this story, should you chose to accept it, will self destruct in 10 seconds after you have finished reading it.

Now that I am older and wiser, I can look back over my life and see that I have had encounters with dragons from the days of my earliest memories, only I was too naive to recognize the evidence of their presence and sinister activities. I would venture to say that the majority of people alive on the face of the earth today have been in the presence of Dragons on numerous occasions, but, because of their clever wiles, were unable to recognize the obvious.

I first recognized the evidence of their presence for what it was while I was recuperating in Burma after I was waylaid by who knows what. Now that I think about it, perhaps the Dragons had a hand in those doings as well. Lest you think me demented, let me assure you that I count amoung my close friends - Albight Von Boatschnegle, Raji Kumar, The Raggeded, Frank the Norwegian Narwhal, and Willie Flores LOS. POTG. SW. SP. HAD.

Peter H., my short friend, had flown out from who knows where to be with me as I recuperated. It was good to see him after so many years and we had lots of fun reminiscing about old times. We had certainly done some stupid things together. Like that time we were in the ficus tree above Madiera Street dropping stones on passing cars. Peter had the misfortune to drop one on the head of a passing motorcyclist. It was all we could do to get away with our skins on that day. Peter disliked the study of history in general (he ended up in the corner garbage can on more occasions than I can remember) but whenever it came time to study British History, especially the history surrounding the town of Thanet, from that monumental tome "1066 And All That" he would get excited. The breadth and depth of his knowledge in this area never ceased to amaze me.

Where is the MONUMENTAL WHIT ???

If you know the answer to the previous question, please notify us as soon as possible. Whit, we want to hear from you!

It was Peter's expertise in British History that first set me to thinking of the mysteries of Dragonkind. With his vast knowledge, he was able to clue me in to the symbolism in the British Dragon stories. (Please realize that we are not dealing with the extremely ancient occurrences of Dragons as they are a different beast altogether!) I learned the intricate details of the legend of George and the Dragon. What a revelation! How my universe expanded in that small, hot room in Burma.

Dragons, you see, have taken to deception to work their dastardly deeds. Seldom do they care to take on huge dimensions in this day and age. And seldom do they choose to live in caves any longer.

Peter pointed out to me how Dragons have always made it their business to keep men and women apart. To separate lovers and bring grief and tears to the lives of men. Perhaps this will help you in understanding and believing what I am about to reveal to you.

These days, Dragons have switched tactics and primarily take on extremely small dimensions. Instead of living in caves, they choose, primarily, to live in the mouths of people and animals. They like to sleep a lot and their sleep periods can be extended indefinitely by gentle rubbing coupled with the fact that all known forms of tooth paste act to induce sleep in them while they are in small form.

But when they awake, watch out!! They start off by spewing out a cottony substance and then their nostrils start to smoke. Soon, small tendrils of flame begin to hiss from their throat. As the smoke and flame move over the cottony substance, an evil smelling gas is produced. This combines with their already foul breath to create a smell disgusting beyond belief. Pity the member of the opposite sex that must smell this at close range!

Dragons are especially likely to be awake on a person's first arising in the morning and at extended social gatherings. It is at the latter locations that they do their most serious damage. Fortunately, I have found that they can be kept somewhat at bay by devices known as Dragonkillers. These devices come in several brands and in various sizes. There are two brands that I find particularly effective. There are Tic Tacs which are very convenient in putting a Dragon that has just awakened quickly back to sleep. There is a limit on how many of these can be used in one session before the Dragon dies from an overdose. A Dragon's rotting carcass is more foul than anything you would want to imagine. Then there are Fox's.

For those times when an already raging and foul smelling Dragon needs to be quickly tranquilized and then allowed to drop off into a deep sleep. Fox's, accordingly, are much larger than Tic Tacs. They also pack a much greater cooling ability which helps control the heat of the Dragon's fiery breath. To experience first hand this cooling ability, do the following:

Place a Fox's in your mouth. Suck for a while. Approach a drinking fountain and drink deeply. Notice how much cooler the water appears.

Perhaps now, you too, can look back on the events of your life and see where you have encountered these strange beasts. If you would like to share your Dragon stories, send them to the ZOTZBROTHERS at any known address. Preferably one in the Bahamas. These can be categorized if you would like. E.G. The largest Dragon I ever met. The meanest Dragon ever. Please also share with us any advanced Dragon fighting techniques that you have developed.